WHAT DESTROYS RELATIONSHIPS AND WHAT BUILDS THEM?
40 Days of Community – Part
3
February
20, 2005
Romans 12:5 …so
in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the
others.
1. SELFISHNESS DESTROYS RELATIONSHIPS.
Cause of war, divorce,
all sorts of problems…
James 4:1-3 What causes fights and
quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You
want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what
you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When
you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may
spend what you get on your pleasures.
Very easy for
selfishness to creep into relationships!
Ads: Have it your way!
Obey your thirst! Las Vegas- What happens here, stays
here! Last years Lakers! Into themselves! All about
ego!
James 3:16 For
where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every
evil practice.
Well if selfishness
tears down relationships, what builds them up? Selflessness! It means “Less
about me, more about you”!
SELFLESSNESS BUILDS THEM.
Philippians 2:4-8 Each of you
should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very
nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but
made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a
servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—even
death on a cross!
Practical ways to
practice selflessness in your small group this week:
1)
By showing
up!
2)
By accepting
others
3)
By really
listening, you are giving them your time! More important than money! A part of
your life! Really listening, not thinking about what to say next, not
dominating the conversation
4)
By signing up
for things, and offering your home
5)
Not hogging
the best snacks!
Galatians 6:7-8 (The Message
Version) Don't be misled: No one makes a fool of God.
What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness,
ignoring the needs of others--ignoring God!- harvests
a crop of weeds. All he'll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who
plants in response to God, letting God's Spirit do the growth work in him,
harvests a crop of real life, eternal life.
Why this law of the universe? So we will become like God in
our character. The number one lesson in life? Learning
to be unselfish!! It’s also called love! Many go through life and miss out
totally on this!!
Galatians 5:13-14 You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use
your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.
The entire law is summed up in a single command: “Love your neighbor as
yourself.”
Anybody can do this every once and a while. God wants it to
be a lifestyle. How can you be unselfish over the long term?
Galatians 5:16 So
I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful
nature.
2. PRIDE DESTROYS RELATIONSHIPS.
Proverbs 13:10 Pride only breeds
quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.
How do I know I have a
pride problem?
I’m critical
I’m comparing myself and stuff to
others
Stubbornness, difficult to say I’m
sorry – pride problem. I was wrong, I’m sorry, please forgive me.
Shallow with a mask – pride problem
Small group
When you have to tell a story that
tops the last one
Offer advice, never ask for it
Never admit you had a tuff week
We
can’t see it, but others can
Pr overbs16:18 Pride goes before destruction, a haughty
spirit before a fall.
Pride keeps us from
apologizing to others, which every relationship needs!
HUMILITY BUILDS THEM.
1Peter 3:8 Finally, all of you,
live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be
compassionate and humble.
How can you do it? Once again, only with the help of the
spirit! By letting Jesus be in control of every area of our life. Here it is
again…
Galatians 5:16 So
I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful
nature.
You act like who you
hang out with! So hang out with Jesus!
Phl 2:3, 5 Do nothing out of
selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Your attitude should be the same as that of
Christ Jesus…
3. INSECURITY DESTROYS RELATIONSHIPS.
Proverbs 29:25 Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the
LORD is kept safe.
We long to be close,
but we fear being close! Insecurity prevents intimacy. That is why living
together doesn’t work in the long run, because of the fear of the other walking
out!
We fear:
Exposure
Genesis 3:10 Adam: "I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid."
Today: not afraid of
physical nakedness but completely afraid of EMOTIONAL nakedness!! Everybody
deserves to be fully known! Soul to soul intimacy!
Rejection
We build up walls! Jesus understands rejection! They
nailed him to a cross! Don’t build up a wall!! You’re not living, just
existing! Have the courage to risk love!
Guys, we are the worse
about this! Let me encourage you to get close to someone! LTG, etc…. You are
only as sick as your secrets. You have to let them out.
LOVE BUILDS THEM.
Where do we get this kind of confidence?
1 John 4:15-18 If
anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in
God. 16And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is
love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.
17In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have
confidence on the day of judgment, because in this
world we are like him. 18There is no fear in love. But perfect love
drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is
not made perfect in love.
How? Begin a relationship with Jesus Christ, or strengthen
it!
4. RESENTMENT DESTROYS RELATIONSHIPS.
We all sin! We all
will be hurt and hurt others. But what will you do with it. Will you harbor
resentment? That will destroy your relationship. They say opposites attract!
Attract turns to attack! Little things build up into resentment.
Common irritations in
small groups:
The person who is always late
The person who talks to long
The
TMI person
The
dogmatic person
The
insensitive person
The
wise cracker
The
person who forgets the food
The
extra grace required – if you can’t think of who it is, it’s you
Ask for God to give
you love! Because that is where you will learn to be forgiven! Go to the person
in love! But what you don’t do is say nothing! Because that
will develop resentment.
Anger is not always
wrong! But resentment is always wrong. When you get resentful, you stop
thinking clearly! Some of the most foolish things and hateful things in history
have been done because of resentment!
Sometimes it is really
hateful things, sometimes really stupid things!
Look at this verse:
Psalm 73:21-22 When my heart was grieved and my spirit
embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you.
Resentment can not
only hurt you, but it always hurts the body! People are worried about how good “so
and so” has it; they resent people because others like him. You don’t think
logical and you do self defeating behavior! A small group helps you think
straight!
Hebrews
12:15 See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root
grows up to cause trouble and defile many.
Don’t ignore this when
it happens in your small group. You have to deal with it! Be honest! Face the
trouble person. Help them overcome the issue! The ones we love the most we
often resent the most!
So the antidote to personal
resentment is Forgiveness!
FORGIVENESS BUILDS THEM.
Forgiveness has to be
a way of life for you!
Colossians 3:13 Bear with each
other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive
as the Lord forgave you.
Why should I forgive others: 1) resentment hurts you!
Unforgiveness hurts you. 2) God forgave you 3) You
will need forgiveness from others down the road, so build it up now
Forgiveness is not making excuse, or saying it doesn’t
hurt, or saying it wasn’t wrong, it is not saying they deserve it!
It is saying I will
let go of my right to hurt you back! And put it behind you. If you are holding
on to it, you are hurting yourself.
But I can’t do it on my own! Of course you cant! You need Jesus in your life!
Titus 3:3-6 At one time we too
were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and
pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another.
But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because
of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through
the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us
generously through Jesus Christ our Savior…
This is really the answer to every one of these. Do you
have Jesus in your life? You can ask him today.
Isaiah
43:19 See,
I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in
the desert and streams in the wasteland.
He take
your life, your relationships, from the wasteland to a paradise!