Message Notes
Men and Women

Today: Understanding The Deepest Needs of Women

April 4, 2004

 

1 Peter 3:7 … in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

 

1 Peter 2:21b … because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.

 

The Reality: How I treat my wife can determine THE EFFECTIVENESS of my PRAYERS

 

As a husband, I am to do three things according to 1 Peter 3:7:

 

1. BE CONSIDERATE TOWARDS my wife - Def:  Thoughtful of the needs and feelings of another.

 

2. LIVE WITH my wife - Def:  Share my life … Do things together … be companions

 

3. RESPECT my wife - Def:  Honor my wife. Value her… Appreciate her value

 

The Five Deepest Needs of Women

Adapted from His Needs, Her Needs by Dr. Willard Harley

The top five basic needs for husbands: 1.  Sexual fulfillment 2.  Recreational companionship 3.  An attractive spouse 4.  A Supportive Home 5.  Respect/Admiration

The top five basic needs for wives are:           1.  Affection           2.  Conversation           3.  Honesty and openness 4.  Financial security 5.  Family commitment

 

I. My wife needs my AFFECTION

Ephesians 5:28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

 

Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

 

(Amplified Bible) “… be affectionate and sympathetic with them.”

 

4 Ways to Show Affection

1. By my WORDS
2. By my ACTIONS
3. By the way I TREAT HER
4. By my FOCUSED ATTENTION

 

Her greatest need is to feel “cherished”:  The feeling that she is MORE IMPORTANT to me than anyone or anything else, except for God.

 

II. My Wife needs CONVERSATION with me
Philippians 2:1-5 If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, ²then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. ³Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. ⁴Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
⁵Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus…

 

Colossians 3:9-10 Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices ¹⁰and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.

 

Proverbs 12:22 The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful.

 

IV. My wife needs FINANCIAL SECURITY

Proverbs 6:6-8 Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise! ⁷ It has no commander, no overseer or ruler, ⁸ yet it stores its provisions in summer and gathers its food at harvest.

Proverbs 12:9 Better to be a nobody and yet have a servant than pretend to be somebody and have no food.

 

Proverbs 21:20 In the house of the wise are stores of choice food and oil,
but a foolish man devours all he has.

 

V. My wife needs my COMMITMENT to the FAMILY

Three special areas of commitment:
1) To my wife: Proverbs 5:15-20 Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. ¹⁶ Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? ¹⁷ Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. ¹⁸ May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. ¹⁹ A loving doe, a graceful deer- may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. ²⁰ Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man's wife?

 

2) To share in the discipline: Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

 

3) To be the spiritual leader of the family: Ephesians 5:25-28 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

John 3:16a “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son…”

 

Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

 

Romans 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God…

 

Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

 

Jesus Christ, I admit to you that I am messed up. I realize today that I am not living my life for you. I turn from my sin. I realize my sin has offended you. I ask for the forgiveness that you freely give. I turn to you, Christ, and ask you to take control of me. I give you everything I am and everything I will be. Please take charge of my life. Amen.